What? You're A Virgin?!

What? You're A Virgins?!

The Parable of the Ten Virgins (Matthew 25:1–13)

Be Proud of Being a Virgin!

Why is it that being a virgin is such a big phenomenon today? Young people are being shamed in school among their friends if they are still a virgin. 

When has being a virgin become such a shame? Young boys and young girls are being pressured into sexual relationships that they are not ready for nor able to handle after the fact. They are not ready for the flood of emotions that come with having sex. 

But yet, because of their friends, that claim that they have had sex, tease them for still being a virgin, they succumb to the laughter and either lie that they too have had sex, or end up having sex with someone looking for bragging rights.

If families would take more interest in their children's lives, I tend to believe that the numbers would increase on one side and decrease on the other. The scales would tip in favor of those that are still virgins. And holding on to what is pure and honorable. It is respectable to say that you have not allowed anyone to steal your God given sacred gift.

An unmarried person who has not had sexual relations is referred to in the Bible as a virgin (Esther 2:2 “Then the king’s young men who attended him said, “Let beautiful young virgins be sought out for the king.” And Revelation 14:4 “It is these who have not defiled themselves with women, for they are virgins. It is these who follow the Lamb wherever he goes. These have been redeemed from mankind as first fruits for God and the Lamb,”). 

Many people in today’s culture use the word virginity to express sexual purity; it should not be used as a technical definition to find loopholes in moral standards. What do I mean by this? It should not be limited to meaning only “the condition of never having gone all the way” So what do people do? They result to doing anything and everything short of having sexual intercourse and still technically call themselves “virgins.” This play on words is unprofitable. Chastity should affect the heart, mind, and soul, not just certain body parts. You get five passes and only one bullet to change your life in Russian roulette. Why gamble on a 1-5 chance? Who really wins? If the chamber clicks and nothing happens, does that mean you lose, and get another turn?

The Bible’s emphasis is not so much on a technical or medical definition of virginity as it is on the condition of a person’s heart. The morality we espouse and the actions we choose give evidence of our heart’s condition. The standard in the Bible is clear: celibacy before marriage and monogamy after marriage, (the practice or state of being married to only one person at a time). Regardless of popular demand, having sex with several people is not cool. In fact, you are playing sexual roulette. With each person you have sex with, you are increasing the number of bullets you are putting into your gun. Sexual transmitted diseases, or pregnancy. This is why having that prolonged conversation with your child is important to have while they are still green and think it’s nasty. Because the more they watch certain shows and the more they listen to secular music, the more they are introduced to it and if you don’t talk to them, their friends will talk to them.

Let me give you three serious reasons to saving yourself for marriage that you should be teaching your children. 

First reason for saving yourself for marriage is having the ability to say that you are pure:

As believers, we are to obey what God tells us to do in His word. Another good reason why we should be in the word of God. 1 Corinthians 6:18–20 says, “Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body. Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.” If you are in Christ, with the sacrifice of His life, He has purchased you. He is our Lord and we are to honor Him by keeping our bodies pure.

You can’t crave what you never had before. The only reason we crave for sex is because of that very first experience. Some react differently than others, but the end result is usually the same, we want more. Our bodies begin to crave those sexual emotions that come with touching ones body, or being touched. There are certain hormones that awaken once they have been turned on. You can have a vacuum cleaner and it will sit there until it has been turned on and activated that it begins to do what it was invented to do. Once your hormones have been turned on and activated, it now wants to do what it was created to do.

Second reason for saving yourself for marriage the complications that come with sex: 

If you don’t know it personally, people that have will tell you that it is pleasurable and the best thing since sliced bread. But be warned, it can also be mentally and emotionally draining. When you have sex with another person you are now “soul tied” to that person. You have either deposited or have had someone deposit into you a part of them. We are in a spiritual warfare and have to fight our spiritual battles wearing the breastplate of righteousness (Ephesians 6:14 “Stand therefore, having fastened on the belt of truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness,”). Having sex is the becoming of one as stated in the Bible, not marriage but what is done after one is married that the two become one. They consummate their vows by having sex “and the two will become one flesh” Mark 10:8. 

The war that we are in is a contest between our new nature in Christ and our fleshly desires, 1 Thessalonians 4:3–7 says, “It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control your own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the pagans, who do not know God; and that in this matter no one should wrong or take advantage of a brother or sister. The Lord will punish all those who commit such sins, as we told you and warned you before. For God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life.” And having sex with someone that is not your husband or wife has way too many complications, ask me how I know. That’s a Podcast for another.

It is an act of defiance against God when you overrule the Spirit by allowing your body to control your actions. It is an act of giving unselfishly, having Godly loving sex between a husband and wife. When you use someone to fulfill a desire of the flesh is abusive and self-centered. Even if they themselves are willing, you are still helping him or her to sin and their relationship with God and others have been negatively altered.

The third and final reason for saving yourself for marriage involves receiving a certain level of respect and the “mystery” of marriage: 

Ephesians 5:31-32 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.” When we read about God speaking of two people being joined as one, we learn that He was referring to something that we’re only beginning to open our understanding in a real physiological way. 

When two people are sexually intimate, the hypothalamus in the brain releases chemicals that induce feelings of trust and attachment. Having sex outside of marriage results in a person forming an attachment and trusting someone with whom he or she does not have a committed relationship, that is the soul tie in which to spoke of. You are attached to the person you have sex with. When you get up, you don’t get alone. When they leave, they don’t leave alone. Think of every person you had sex with and then think back on all the odd things you did and had no idea as to why you did them...that other person that is tied to you sexually is acting out in you.

What happens over time is the definition of trust in the mind starts to deteriorate. It is extremely dangerous to have that kind of link with someone that you are not working together towards God. Two people who are—even mildly—physiologically obsessed with one another but not committed to growing in God as a couple can be torn from Him and His plan for them.

Two people making a conscious and deliberate decision to choose to commit to one another in holy matrimony  and then allow the intimacy that releases these hypothalamus chemicals, the body can reaffirm the connection the mind has made. And by the reality of the relationship, the physiological feelings of trust and attachment are reinforced and it reflects what God has done spiritually when two people become one physically.

The relationship between the church and Christ is the perfect marriage model. Married couples are to serve God in a strong, unified partnership. The enjoyment of Sex, along with the blessings of procreation, was designed by God to strengthen that partnership. What tears apart people’s heart, instead of joining and knitting them together is sex outside of marriage. It is something that destroys many young girls and boys hopes in getting married as a virgin.

Let me close with this, given God’s grace, we need to remember a few things about virginity, and the lack thereof. Even though those who come to Christ after engaging in premarital sexual relationships are not virgins; at the very moment they are saved they are fully cleansed by Christ. 

Those of us that have indulged in our fleshly lusts, God can heal, because He can redeem anyone. And if you have been redeemed then you need to say so… “Let the redeemed of the Lord say so” (Psalm 107:2). For those of us who engaged in premarital sex after becoming a Christian, there is forgiveness in Christ. He can cleanse us from all unrighteousness and bring healing (1 John 1:9 “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness”). 

And, in the horrible case of a person victimized by sexual abuse or rape, who may feel that she or he, through no fault of their own, no longer measures up to the ideal standard of “virginity,” Christ is able to restore your spirit, heal your brokenness, and grant you wholeness. All by saying yes to Jesus. 

Would you say yes to Jesus today? He is waiting to hear from you. He’s standing there with His arms stretched out wide waiting for you to run to Him and embrace Him that he may forgive you and love on you. You may or may not be a virgin. But you can be kept by the power of God. Don’t think less of yourself either way… because you are a virgin, or because you are not a virgin. You are yet special to God. He can stop the pressures of sexually immorality. But you have to believe it, in order to receive it. To learn more on how to receive Christ pick up a copy of Pathway to Christ.

Life's Word Ministry